i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
