she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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