just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
