My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
