one two three fourrrrnication!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
