some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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