i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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