so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
