you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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