I like my sex mixed with concussions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
