if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
