in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
