Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
