I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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