I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
