talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
