real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize