I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
