Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
