why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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