If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
