I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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