in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
