your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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