The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize