Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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