So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
