If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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