Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
