Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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