Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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