my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
