There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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