My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
