you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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