first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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