toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
