dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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