come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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