its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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