Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The air was thick with penises
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize