So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
