all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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