I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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