is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
