I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
