At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
