I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
