I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
