Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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