friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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