I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
