Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
