She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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