Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
