the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
