I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
