so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
