You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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