You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
