he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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