Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
