I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
