I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
