i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
