Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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