I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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