OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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