so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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