Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
