we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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