Cold hands, warm shart.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Text me some of your sweat
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