final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
