why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize