No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His hands were made for my vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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