but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
