Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
