There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
