There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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