she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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