I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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