My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
