I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
