i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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