Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
