my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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