I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
