so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
