i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
