i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
