U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
