I accidentally had phone sex last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
