the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize