Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
