Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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