Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
