I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize