dude i'm inner monologue high
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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