it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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