I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
