i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
