yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
