So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The air taste purple.
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