Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize